in Movies & TV

NYE with Star Wars

Alright, the first time I watched Star Wars was Episode I and II, sometime in 2005 or something like that.

Episode I

I’m now watching Episode I. It’s like watching a new movie. I barely remember it. Also, why do they spend so much time podracing? Why on earth is Liam Neeson’s communication device, of all things, so obviously a repainted version of the pastel green Gillette womens razor I used throughout high school? I love Ewan McGregor and he’s totally on my celebrity free pass list, but damn there’s only two people doing any decent acting in this movie, and that’s Liam Neeson and whoever Darth Maul’s actor is.

End of Episode I: That’s it? That’s your ending?

Episode II

Episode II: Thank fuck, Ewan McGregor’s acting ability has been restored! A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one.

Are you serious, Amidala? Anakin Skywalker is a creepy dude who is strangely fixated on her, Amidala keeps saying no, and then!! One day, he woos her by saying he hates sand because it’s coarse and rough and it gets everywhere, and believe it or not she totally swoons and kisses him. I literally yelled “WHAT!? WHY!?” at my screen, and at George Lucas too.

The only way I can explain it is that it was some sort of Jedi hallucination planted in her mind, because the next scene of frolicking in the meadows next to impossible waterfalls and frisky rhinos can’t possibly be anything but some sort of Jedi fever dream.

Ending of Episode II:

This seems to be a reoccuring theme

Supposedly if I start watching Episode III at 10:39 pm, the timing of “Execute Order 66” will be right at midnight.

Episode III:

The Gillette womens razor is back!

I’m happy to report that everyone’s acting has improved. Hayden Christensen’s acting FINALLY got better after he went evil. That said, in my non-actor opinion, it is also much, much easier to ham it up and be 100% angrybad. The “Power! Unlimited power!” Palpatine scene was hilariously bad though. However, any weakness in a scene that has an actor yelling “UNLIMITED POWAHHHHHH!!” is totally the script’s fault.

I didn’t realize how easily Obi-wan Kenobi sliced at Anakin from the higher ground. I guess that is the advantage of having the higher ground…

Anakin trying to crawl upwards: The attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed

me

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